The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
its not stalking. its research.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
