From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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