My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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