well I can't set my house on fire every night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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