After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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