seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
