dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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