I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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