Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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