you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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