The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
