On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
