trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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