Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
