I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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