Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
