Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I believe in your delicious
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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