Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Your penis caused this!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
