I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
