quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
