I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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