hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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