please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
