I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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