im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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