Do you still have your period?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
