I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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