he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
