Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
