really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
