it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
