her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
