But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
