My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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