How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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