I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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