were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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