You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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