look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
