yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
