hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
