i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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