You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
