god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
this will be a night to untag.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
