can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
