He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
