I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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