is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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