Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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