I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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