i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
