How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
