let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
no you cant smoke seaweed
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Couch. On fire.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
